There is a gift in being small, there is a gift in small things.

Thankful….

I’m thankful for clothes, and that I can wear them, even if I’ve worn some holes into them. I’m thankful that I can stay warm, and that I can wear something that I like, something that I feel good about wearing.

And right now, I noticed that I’m glad that I can see my feet, even if they are covered in boots. Sight is something that I never think about.

I’m thankful for wisdom, words, ways and wonder that point to what’s true.

I’m thankful for the gift of employees to share conversation over the burden of work that isn’t always pleasurable or fun to do. I’m thankful for the opportunities to turn menial or mundane times into quiet, intentional moments of stillness (like Brother Lawrence would do.)

I’m thankful for being able to give the opportunity to take color theory and mix colors.
Thankful that I’m single. That I’m not in a relationship mistakenly looking for joy there, being able to have the opportunity to see that a relationship isn’t something that I want to find joy in, but to bring joy in.

Thankful for the friends that I’ve made and the each new day that I get to a chance to see them better than the day before, to enjoy them, to understand, to learn from them and about them.

I’m thankful for every crisis of faith that I have ever had, for they have allowed me to find liberation in Grace, rather than my own answers.

There is a lot that I miss. I miss the stars. Only one is bright enough to show it’s face in the orange-black night sky of Philadelphia-land. But still, there is so much today.

There is a lot that is different. There are housemates who are different. So so different from me and my old friends. But they are challenging to me. They are good for me. And they have different ways of blessing me, whether they be with free haircuts/shaves, giving the best hugs and kisses, confronting me with the truth, or agreeing to go see Band of Horses with me. This isn’t art school, there aren’t dance-offs in dorms, music making or 2am trips to the beach… but different is good. I know that this time is right and good for me.

I’ve been struggling with depression/anxiety sense I’ve been in Philly. That’s why I’m a patient at Esperanza. I’ve found that being thankful helps to fight the intrusive sadness that wants to be there. It can be hard, because at times, every fiber of my being wants to create a million excuses to why I shouldn’t be thankful for this; I’ll try to convince myself that I’m hopeless or that things are awful, and they really aren’t. We are small, and yet we mean something. There’s so much goodness and grace in the world, and in my world. I just need to look for it.

Such goodness must be passed on…