Not Just Nice

It's nice to be called "nice", but I don't want to be known for or just settle for being just "nice". When I think of the word "nice", I often think of the word that is synonymous with "pleasing" or "bearable". A word that I would prefer to hear about me is "kind". Sometimes, I mix up the words "nice" with "kind". I forget that they are not so much the same thing and sometimes, I mean to describe those that have been exceptionally good and kind and benevolent on my behalf as just "nice". I think "nice" is quite an understatement really and it is not close to describing how brave people have been on my behalf to be good to me. I decided to look up the word. Here is a definition that I found on the word "nice." Nice adjective, nic·er, nic·est. 1. pleasing; agreeable; delightful: a nice visit. 2. amiably pleasant; kind: They are always nice to strangers. 3. characterized by, showing, or requiring great accuracy, precision, skill, tact, care, or delicacy: nice workmanship; a nice shot; a nice handling of a crisis. 4. showing or indicating very small differences; minutely accurate, as instruments: a job that requires nice measurements. 5. minute, fine, or subtle: a nice distinction. Although "kind" is thrown in there, I don't think kindness is reduced to just pleasantness or being agreeable. We are not called to settle for being just "nice"; our being good to others isn't restricted to being only pleasant. I have struggled a lot with wanting to be pleasant and bearable all the time, to the point that I would bottle in true words and feelings or I would refuse to share insights that could heal just so everyone could stay comfortable. I didn't allow myself to be messy and real. When we decide that we care more about pleasing people, sometimes, we can make the mistake of not being honest about who we are; we can omit mentioning the type of help we need or we can leave out what we believe our lives are about just for the sake of being "pleasant" or "nice". People pleasing resulted in my become wishy washy and divided, and I found it to be a hard time standing up for what I believe because I wanted to be "agreeable" or "pleasing" to others. I have made this mistake lots of times in the past year and I realize that, by just telling people what I thought they wanted to hear, that I was being good to them. I would avoid confrontation of most sorts, which would cause a lot of unrest in me, and division between me and another and my wanting to be "pleasant" instead of real and truthful to others also led to people not having an opportunity to show me kindness on my behalf. It meant that I didn't allow people to be challenged. I was complacent. I learned that the best thing I can do is to aim to be kind and caring as opposed to just being "pleasant". There is a difference in being someone who really loves a person and someone who just wants to be on their good or "nice" side. Truly kind and loving people live with a desire to see others become the best person they can be, and often times, that means that we will have to disagree or come off as annoying. It means that things might get gritty at times, and that is okay. It is better to be truthful and gritty than to be untrue and "have it all together". I really think that grit is what refines us. It's like sandpaper. The people who have loved me the most in the past year have not been only "nice" to me,although they are very nice and pleasant to be around. I have been yelled at (OH GOSH) a few times, and I have not been allowed to do things that I thought were beneficial, like hiding, later to find out that they were wiser and were trying to challenge me. They didn't try to please me, but rather, they tried to encourage me and build me up to the best person I can be. The reasons that they would get upset with me would be because of instances when I went too far in acting or speaking in such a way that was irrational and against what is true and I wouldn't stop. Other times, they would reveal ugly truths about their pasts in hopes to form solidarity with me. Sometimes, I want to believe lies, sometimes I want to say or do terrible things to myself or to others based on my hurt, instead of seeing the truth. Sometimes, I want to hide under a blanket all day. And so sometimes, I need someone to be gritty with me. I need someone to challenge me with what I want to do and show me a better way, even if they get on my nerves or hurt me. I have had people be patient with me, but at some point, the way that I would treat myself would be in such a way that I would be destroying myself, and they would see the need to get me out of my comfort zone, because not only does living a certain way for so long hurt me, it hurt them to see me hurt myself. Their sense of compassion allows them to be dissatisfied with evil forces, to have anger towards what is unjust, to be upset about the hurting others are going through, and it also gives them the courage to reveal the ugly parts of their past in order to show that we aren't alone. Sometimes, the most unpleasant, scary and annoying things my friends have done or said have been the most kind, like pleading with me on something I didn't want to do, telling me something that I didn't really want to hear, or literally dragging me out of bad situations that I've sat in for too long They have acted courageously and have taken the risk in appearing unpleasant in order to give love to me. I'm arguing that rather than settling for "nice", if anything, we are to go further and be extremists for love; we are to be people who take risks and go great lenghths to give to others, to build them up, to seek out their shalom and to seek out their freedom. We are not meant to be passive but active. We are to challenge those that we care for to be the best they can be. Being passive, apathetic and complacent can get you known for being "nice" and "pleasant", but sometimes, just settling for mediocrity can result in violence, and if we are to be lovers, we are gonna love the poop out of people. Jesus was offensive because he loved the poop out of everyone and it challenged folks and made folks uncomfortable. He took the risk of being unpleasant, of being offensive because he truly cared about everyone. He extended mercy and grace and love to those that others would not extend mercy to, and the religious leaders would get mad at him when he told the truth. He didn't people please, and the reason he didn't get a reputation for being "nice" was because he truly cared and wanted the best for everyone; he wants everyone to live an abundant and free life, so he tried to correct them. Likewise, I know that my friends care for me and that they want me to be free to love and free to live and be myself, because they will challenge me, be honest with me and take risks for me, even if it means they might have to unintentionally be unpleasant or offensive. This is the most loving and kind thing they can do for me. To be truthful and brave. Here is the definition for kindness and you can click the word to see all it's synonyms, too: Kind adjective, kind·er, kind·est. 1. of a good or benevolent nature or disposition, as a person: a kind and loving person. 2. having, showing, or proceeding from benevolence: kind words. 3. indulgent, considerate, or helpful; humane (often followed by to ): to be kind to animals. 4. mild; gentle; clement: kind weather. 5. British Dialect . loving; affectionate. Being truly kind and caring these days can get people to call your naive or dumb and you can end up looking like a fool, but it is the best way. We must take the risk in being seen as unworthy or unpleasant. We need courage. I need courage. Love without courage is just sentimentality.