Maybe friendship is underrated... Is it?

Now that I have survived the perilous ups and downs of social anxiety over the past few days, trying to decide whether the thoughts in my head are truths and lies, warring in my head what thoughts to destroy about myself and which to embrace, and calling and talking with some mature women that I trust, I have come to terms that a lot of what I have been thinking about has a lot to do with questions regarding friendship. It's kind of like being drunk for a whole year, and then having a headache from being hungover. Today, I think I've woken up and realized what had happened this past year.

I think that friendship is something that we don't value as much in our culture as we could. Yes, good friends are hard to find, but, I don't think people are so sure what it means to be a good friend a lot of times. And I'm one of them. I doubt myself, regardless of what folks tell me. I think about the give and take that it entails, and I've reflected on the sacrifices (and lack of) that I've witnessed or experienced and I sometimes wonder if we often go looking for friends, but seldom seek to ask the question, "am I a good friend?" I think that instead, we seek to have someone be our friend before we seek to be a friend. But where would that lead us then? If One had not initiated love first, then, how could love possibly have begun? I think we learn how to be a friend by trying to be a friend, and also by being loved by a friend, constantly asking ourselves the question: "what does it mean to be a friend?"

I think questions about friendship are important to ask, especially in a society in which the vast majority of people would describe themselves to feel lonely a lot of the times regardless of their possession of 600 of them on Facebook. A lot of us feel like we have no one to turn to in times of need. Although we will all struggle with loneliness on occasion, or for a season, I do not think that loneliness is something that needs to be accepted or dealt with. There is a difference between solitude and being alone. Besides, being alone was one of the first things deemed to be considered "not good" in the world.

I think that a culture that constantly considers singleness to be a curse, and marriage as the solution to this curse, needs to begin to ask ourselves why this is the case. I say this in connection to the topic of friendship, because I have only found that most honest woman would confess that marriage did not fix her problems, but the problems that she had before marriage are still there. The only thing that she would confess that she has gained from entering a healthy marriage was a best friend that promised to be there and encourage her to be the best version of herself she can possibly be.

I don't know about you guys, but, I don't think it's fair to have to wait until marriage to find a good friend or be a good friend. I have both witnessed and have experienced the redeeming and life-giving qualities of a solid friend. Maybe we need to start to ask questions more about friendship. From the looks of it, we're tossing the word around a lot, but losing sight of what it means and what it looks like. We've got 563 friends on Facebook, but some of us feel like we hardly experience true connection with those around us. So what does it really mean to be a real friend? Ask yourself: are you a real friend? And who can we look to as an example of a true friend?

I really want there to be more discussions about friendships, especially as younger folks. Obviously, I don't have the answers. But maybe all of us can begin asking the right questions and put a spotlight on this thing. May this be the beginning. With your thoughts, questions, concerns, fire away.