i just want to be a real friend to Jesus again. Why am i not treating you like a friend? You feel so far away. And when i don't know where you are, i don't know where i am either or who i am either.
i hate everything i've made you into, and i hate how i've used you. i hate how i don't feel like i know you anymore. Who needs amazing theology? Who needs to know everything? It's nice, but it's been so consuming and so distracting.... What have i been making myself? Thinking about you day and night and not even knowing who you are, losing track, losing my memory, my mind, everything... i just want to be your friend. The bestest friend i know i could possibly ever be, because that is who i want to be. And we become who were are around with. And i haven't hung out with you so much. i need to get out of here. i need to be in your shoes and live your life. We need to hold hands and get out there, like a pair of crazy lovers that the world has no control of.... Because i'm going crazier here in suburbia, in my comfort, in my loneliness. Jesus, there is so much crap here that i don't want to conform to.
i miss you so much. You see past my weakness and see someone decent, someone who could be beautiful like you.
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