To what could be.

I do not know what to or what not to expect.

If anything, to say yes to forever, I hope never to neglect what form your insides have taken. They have a history all apart, all so different from my own. You had a life before we met. 

Your life. YOURS. Different from what I could imagine, though I like to believe that when I close my eyes and you recount the stories spilling into your memory and then out of your mouth, that I can see them in my head exactly... but probably not.

And when you will share your photographs with me, I would like to believe that when my mind attempts to chronicle the adventures and the laughter that shaped you into who you are today.. that I might be able to know them for myself... yet... probably not. Probably, I won't. Our timelines never touched until we met.

When I say yes to forever because forever is what we say to whom we hope to be our truest friends... I think that I do not want to know what to or what not to expect sense the way of perfectionism goes like this: I would like to have control of, to pretend to know and to say that I love mystery and yet not embrace him when I see him in you.

So I will say, "I will forsake friendship! And I will avoid romance! Because look at how noble I try to make myself seem! because look at all the mistakes I do not want to and probably will make!" I could and I will probably make the mistake of not letting you have your life one particular day. Or maybe many, so how could I live with myself at the thought of doing that to you? -- and yet, we are all traveling and everything beautiful comes our way when we choose to travel. And yet, we see only so little when we stay in one place, trapping ourselves in our lonely houses where we each grew up.

I do not know what to expect.

So if I should catch a glimpse of who you are and who you are not, I want to be able to say that more than few of the times that you've passed your filled hand to me that it was then that I offered you up into the sky like an explosion of confetti to twirl all around our world, landing into special places in the dirt that I could never pin point.

To be okay with that, I'd hope a peace like that would shape wrinkles of gladness to the side of my eyes.

But, I do not know what to expect. 

Perhaps for today, I can rest in that.

Not "Just" Bodies, But Wonderful Bodies

Occasionally, I hear people share this idea that human beings are just souls, and that we have bodies as if our bodies are to mean nothing. Other things I hear are people say things like... "hopefully, when i go to heaven, i'll have blue eyes", or "i won't be bald" or "i won't have six fingers". When I hear such things like this, I can't help but find myself confused and even sadden. Sayings like these concern me, because i think G-d cares about how we see our bodies as much as he cares about how close our hearts are to Him. If G-d couldn't use your body to glorify Him and bring Hope into the world, would we born a certain way? Why do we look the way we do? Why don't we all just look the same?

I know that sometimes people are born with disabilities by fault of the ones who conceived them (drug/alchohal use/etc) or have done violence unto them. These would be reasons why folks would be discontent with their bodies. But i believe the Lord still sees something Beautiful, because He can make all things beautiful.

And that's the reason i just can't swallow that the bodies are not important, or are just... "there". Frankly, I believe that our bodies are AMAZING, and we can do amazing stuff with our bodies. We can MAKE stuff, and walk, and see and eat and think, and our bodies can repair itself and physically be one with our earthly lovers and we can even conceive other human beings and nurture them in our bodies and birth them and teach them how to love and and live to the full. All of that is wonderful! And our bodies are just bodies? I can't believe that. Bodies are beautiful and important. Maybe not everyone's bodies will experience all of the things listed above, but our bodies are part of the adventure of being a full human being.

Human diversity is amazing; G-d didn't speak into existence just one type of bird, or one type of tree, or one type of cloud... Just as we don't see one type of human. If our bodies didn't mean anything then the bodies of animals and plants and the skies wouldn't mean anything either.

But i think all of it is to show how amazing He is and how beautiful life can be and how intimately He loves us..

Even more on diversity; there's so many cultures and so many types of story telling in the world too that speaks of the diversity in the world, and it's beautiful and inspiring. It makes me want to see the world and meet everyone and explore and be happy and bring happiness and excitement to others and show them that they are important, too! i think our bodies are important, because i think they're a symbol, an iconoclast of G-d's own beauty. Perhaps, we are the parts of G-d's image that CAN be seen. G-d's beauty can be found in the diversity of all the other things in the world that have diversity, too.

Here's another thought: maybe we are just souls, and that includes are bodies, not excludes it. This might get me yelled at by a more knowledgeable theologian, but i don't think this type of thinking can harm anyone.... If our bodies weren't important however and only the transcendental was, G-d wouldn't have made Adam or the world or anything. I'm thinking about people who were born disabled or with oddities now, and i refuse to see those people as mistakes. If someone could live with joy, knowing that they are loved, and loving them-self, how much hope and encouragement would that bring to others! Sometimes, i think people try to look harder than they need to. We dismiss the world as ugly and disappointing because it's broken, so we look for transcendentalism and miss out on all the wonders that G-d has given us already. G-d is here! If the world can be beautiful in its fallen, imagine how much more beautiful it will be when we're all in His peace again. Please, stop watching TV all the time, and go outside, or open up that book that has the beautiful faces of all the folks in the world. Pray for His eyes if all you continue to see is ugliness in other human beings. Because, you are the one that is blind. Their faces are beautiful because their faces bear the beauty of G-d. i think folks just don't know that there is a reason why they are the way they are. And i think when we love ourselves, when we love our bodies, we will begin to see hope for more of the world, for all of those who suffer from insecurities about their appearance, those born with oddities and disabilities, the way their culture adorns their bodies, or even those that are oppressed because of the color of their skin.

You're not a mistake, and the beauty of others are not superior to your own. You're beautiful, i promise. When you believe that, you'll see it. Not the other way around. All you need is His eyes.